


When No One Else is Around

by beautifulnow



Category: Electronic Dance Music RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Bottom Hugo, Cheating, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Pordeon, Portgo - Freeform, Rimming, Top Porter, implied/refrenced internalized homophobia, theres lots of crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 15:08:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17851919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifulnow/pseuds/beautifulnow
Summary: “I don’t know, I think it’s just you...” he pauses. “It’s like I can always be me around you, and you can always be just you around me. It feels free when no one else is around, and it’s just the two of us ya know?”





	When No One Else is Around

Hugo stood on the side in room full of people casually taking sips of his drink he should be enjoying himself he knows this, but how could he when across the room Porter is stood with his girlfriend introducing her to all of _their_ friends, and for once he was thankful to not have Porters attention. He could do himself a favor and at least look away but he thinks apart of him loves to feel the pain in his heart whenever Porter pulls her closer. He takes another sip of his drink, finishing the remainder of it debating whether he should go get another or just leave. He’d only been there an hour but his mood turned sour the moment she walked in.

“Hey, man. what are you doing here all alone?” Hugo turns to his side frightened by the sudden noise despite the loud music. It’s Dillon. He's in nice button up with a party hat that makes him look like a 5 year old in a 30 year olds body but it made Hugo smile regardless of how silly it was. “Hey! Happy birthday!” he said dismissing the question and going in for a hug which Dillon returned.

“Yeah, thanks for stopping by!” Dillon said, “But you didn't answer my question lonely boy” he continues in a teasing voice which Hugo laughed off.

“Just having a drink first.” Hugo said which wasn’t technically a lie. Dillon nodded taking a sip of his own drink with a thoughtful expression on his face.

“You know you don't have to stick around if you don’t want to.” Dillon said patting Hugos back and looking into the direction where Porter stood. Hugo could feel his heart rate pick up not expecting anyone to have caught on, but he doesn’t say anything. He only looks down at the empty glass in front of him and nods letting Dillon know he caught the double meaning behind his words. He knew leaving would be a better option than staying and watching Porter with her but he didn’t want to leave knowing he could maybe have a moment alone with him. He can't help the way he feels. “It’s fine.” Hugo says brushing it off, changing the subject not wanting to damper the mood by talking about his feelings. “I won't leave you hanging on your birthday Dill.” he says with a slight laugh. Dillon nods.

“Alright. But what do you say we find some shots to do instead of standing here?” Hugo nods smiling at Dillon's attempt to cheer him up.

The next hour consists of Hugo drinking and catching up with Dillon and Sonny, who eventually joined in on their conversation. He could say he was having a good time, with the continuous banter between his friends and the drinks that kept coming.

Hugo was definitely drunk he realized when he excused himself from his friends and tried to find his way to the bathroom. His walking, affected by the alcohol was wobbly and at times caused him to nearly trip but he made it to the bathroom okay. After finishing his business he walked towards the sink a mirror right above him showed his reflection staring back at him. His eyes were tired, his hair a little disheveled under the hat he wore. Hugo sighed. Even in his drunken state of mind, he couldn't get him out of his mind. He hadn't seen him since he walked in and Hugo didn't know whether to feel upset that he was such an afterthought or grateful that he didn't have to put on a fake smile and pretend his body wasn't consumed with love and remorse. Hugo shook the thoughts from his head and washed his hands, wiping the excess water that lingered on his jeans, ignoring the lint his hands attracted.

He found his way back to his original spot on the side of the room with a freshly poured drink, that he casually sipped on as he swayed to the music playing. His already drunken state had his mind in overdrive all his thoughts leading back to the man it hurt to love. He took out his phone looking for a short distraction but he couldn’t help but open up his and Porters message thread, Hugo felt his heart speed up seeing a new message. It was a simple question staring back at him, but the alcohol running through his veins amplified that tightening feeling within him.

_“Where are you?_ ” It read.

He didn’t know what he expected really, they had discussed this party beforehand letting one another know they would be here tonight, of course, he would end up looking for him. Hugo would do the same any other night but tonight, tonight was different. She was here. Holding onto Porter as if her life fucking depended on it. Hugo had been introduced to her previously towards the end of the Shelter tour, and he still remembers the sickening feeling of guilt mixed with hurt and satisfaction when he shook her hand and played nice knowing that that same hand was on her boyfriends cock the night before, pleasing him effortlessly. Hugo even remembers the second time he met her, he was sporting a bright red hickey where his jaw met his neck, it felt sacred until he spotted her eyes fixated on the bruise. Porter had done that the night before she got there after they had been drinking in their hotel room after adrenaline still running through their veins after their performance. It never ceased to amaze Hugo how loved Porter could make him feel from the goosebumps he made rise with a simple touch, to the warm passionate kisses, Porter never had to speak, just a simple look could make Hugo’s heart beat out of his chest.

Their relationship was complicated he’ll admit, they started the tour off as best friends and nothing more but with every waking hour spent together, each touch became something more, a feeling that Hugo wished to cherish and hold onto for as long as the earth would allow him to. Eventually, they took shelter in their tour bus and they filled it with lingering touches and the soft sounds of their moans in moments of bliss. They never talked about it, Hugo never felt the need to, perhaps he was scared of what doors that would open. It’s was almost as if they had a silent agreement to never speak of it.

He put his phone in his back pocket not bothering to send a reply and walked off with his drink in hand, following the trail that led to the backyard. String lights went around the yard illuminating the clouds of smoke leaving peoples mouths. Hugo stood against the wall putting his drink on the floor beside him then reached into his back pocket. He pulled out a lighter along with a carton of cigarettes and pulled one placing it in his mouth as he put the carton back in his pocket. He lit it despite the small breeze fighting it and took a long drag letting the bitter taste of smoke fill his mouth before releasing it back out into the cool October air. He closed his eyes enjoying the tranquility of the smoke and alcohol flowing through his mind. His thoughts, for a second- were nonexistent. He took another prolonged drag, putting his head against the wall when he finally exhaled.

“Hugo.”  
  
He turned his head to the left looking for the source that called out to him, even though he knew already. It was a voice so recognizable and unforgettable to him, one he’s heard say his name a million times before. Hugo pushed his glasses forward, attempting to fix his hazy vision caused by the one too many jack and cokes. Porter stands in front of him his eyes looking into Hugo’s waiting for a response. Hugo smiles.

“Hello” Hugo said in an ever so delicate voice that made Porter's stomach tighten the same way it would before he would perform on a stage in front of hundreds - no thousands of people and Porter knew the rarity of finding someone that makes your palms sweat without even touching you, to make your stomach flip without resistance and he knew Hugo was that person.

“I’ve been looking for you.” Porter said, which Hugo let out a small giggle in reply, immediately indicating to Porter that he was either nervous or drunk but he was sure it was the latter.  
“I was drinking with Dillon.” He says while pointing at his drink beside him. “Where’s your plus one?” Hugo couldn't help the pettiness dripping from his voice. Porter shook his head letting out a soft sigh. “She’s inside with Yasi.” Hugo let out a hum in response bringing the cigarette to his mouth. There was something tempting yet angelic about the way Hugos lips wrapped around his cigarette, Porter would admit. The way he’d take a light inhalation of smoke, moving his head away from Porter his lips perfectly releasing the remaining smoke really made him want to lean forward and kiss him but, he couldn't. Hugo stomped the cigarette out on the floor and picked up his drink, taking a sip.

“Come on then,” He tells Porter sloppily making his way to the door leading them inside. Porter follows closely behind him, wrapping his right hand tightly along Hugo's hip, which causes Hugo to nearly trip out of nervousness but it only resulted in Porter holding on tighter. Hugo swallows and continues to lead the way towards a vacant couch on the side of the living room. They sit down side by side. Hugo looks around the room momentarily then at Porter. He then slowly lays his head on porters shoulder, not saying a word just basking in the glory that is Porter. “I missed you.” he says quietly, and slightly slurred porter would have missed it if it weren't for their close proximity. Porter licks his lips before speaking, “I missed you too.” it had been a month since they last saw each other, a month since Porter happened to be in France and spent the night with Hugo, sure they texted nearly every day but the physical presence of the other always made him feel comforted and Hugo missed that the most. Hugo sighed in content manner.

“When did you tell Dillon?” it was an innocent question with no intentions behind it and Porter knew that but he couldn't help but feel anxiety creeping up on him when Hugo brought up the subject considering the circumstances of that night. “A while back, during tour. Did he say something?”

Hugo nodded taking in the information. He guesses Dillon knew everything then which would have surprised him if it weren't for the empathetic talk and looks he got from him the whole night. “Ah, not much. Hinted at it more so.”

“Oh. Are you upset that I told him?” Porter questioned.

“No,” Hugo shook his head “I have no reason to be, Porter.” Hugo continued “At least someone else knows the truth.” Porter, of course, doesn't say a word in response. Hugo bitterly laughs into his drink taking a long sip whilst being careful not spill in the awkward position his head was in.

“Maybe you’ve had enough to drink, no?” Porter asks too concerned by Hugo’s overly intoxicated state to care at the not so subtle dig Hugo threw his way.

“No..maybe...I don’t know,” Hugo replied, continuing to make himself comfortable in the nook of Porter's neck. “I just know I feel great.” He snuck peck on the base of Porter’s collarbone, perhaps it was a risky move but he couldn't find in himself to care. He needed to feel close to him again. Porter returned the gesture kissing the top his head despite Hugo’s hat being in the way of any actual contact, Hugo didn't seem to care. He smiled a genuine smile for the first time all night. His stomach tightened in a different way, Porters effect.

Hugo all of a sudden felt a nudge on his head as porter distanced himself on the couch, at first he was confused but very quickly understood why the sudden distance was enforced. His chest suddenly felt insanely heavy as if a wall was closing in on him on either side adding pressure all over his body. He tried to ignore it, gulping up the last of his drink in an attempt to make the feeling subside. She stood in front of him a polite greeting leaving her mouth, which Hugo returned in a much more forceful manner. Maybe it was the sudden movements or the fact that he chugged half a cup of liquor but when she squished her way in between the arm of the couch and Porter a wave of nausea hit Hugo hard. He could feel the bile at the back of his throat and he tried to swallow it down but it wasn't working. He stood up not saying a word and sped to the bathroom which was luckily unoccupied.

Porter watched as Hugo suddenly sped walk away from him and his girlfriend, for a moment thinking he was at fault by his sudden outburst. He looked at his girlfriend who had a look of confusion and concern on her face. “He drank too much,” he offered as a short explanation “ I'm gonna go check on him, okay?” she barely got a chance to respond before Porter was speeding past people following Hugo's previous steps. Porter found him a moment later, the bathroom door being wide open. Hugo was on his knees hunched over the toilet, his skin pale, and clammy. Porter entered the bathroom, shutting the door behind him, before kneeling next to Hugo rubbing his back.

“Hugo,” he said quietly “you're okay.”  
  
Hugo looked at him with tears in his eyes. “Port,” was all he managed to say before vomiting again feeling the burn of the alcohol coming back up. Tears of embarrassment and frustration towards his own body streamed down his face which only made Hugo more frustrated knowing he had little control over his body at this point. “I-I’m s-sorry” Hugo stuttered in between periods of dry heaving.  
Porter shook his head.  
“Baby, you have nothing to apologize for,” He continued to rub Hugo’s back in an attempt to relax him “Just take deep breaths, okay?”Hugo nodded in response. Porter leaned up flushing the toilet for Hugo who had his head in his hands trying to control his breathing. “Did you drive here?” Hugo shook his head no. “Do you want me to drive you home?” He shook his head again.

“I don't want to be alone.” he whispered out in a much more relaxed manner. Porter pursed his lips in contemplation. He knew what he wanted to do but he also knew he couldn't. He sighed, feeling defeated, he knew he had no one to blame but himself. “I- know. You know I would stay with you if I could Hugo i just...can't. Not tonight.” Hugo finally looked up, he looked so fragile, his glasses wet from tears and his eyes, his hair a mess despite still being somewhat tamed by his hat, but what killed Porter was the look on his face. The way his eyebrows furrowed in an almost confused state, a frown that made his eyes look so incredibly sad, the tip of his nose red along with flushed cheeks. Porter wanted to fix it so bad, he wanted to see his smile that makes him feel like it’s his only source of light that he wants to treasure forever, but he couldn't. “I’m sorry.” he said bringing his hands on either side of Hugo's jaw kissing his cheek in the process. He then wrapped his arms around Hugo’s petite frame. “I’m sorry.” he said again this time whispering it into Hugo's ear, he knew the damage was done already but couldn't help wanting to apologize.

Hugo only shook his head trying not to let his emotions get the best of him. He pushed Porter away, a pained look appeared on his face but Hugo couldn’t find it in him to care. He took off his glasses before roughly wiping away the tears on his face despite more already welling up in his eyes. “Can you just get me, Dillon?”

“Hugo.,” Porter replied unsurely.

“Please,” Hugo begged, and who was Porter to refuse him? Porter nodded, getting off the floor and heading towards the door he looked back at Hugo who was still on the floor his hands covering his crying face but he could still hear the muffled sobs coming from Hugo. He bit his lip contemplating his next step but ultimately continued his way out shutting the door behind him despite the immediate remorse rising within him.

It seemed the crowd had lessened while he was in the bathroom and he felt even more guilty knowing he had left his girlfriend in a room full of strangers for such a long period of time. He peeked his head into the living room seeing her sitting there on her phone, he’d deal with her later, but first, he had to find Dillon. He walked into the kitchen and it seemed he was in luck when he saw Dillon in the corner of the room talking to a group of people Porter had never met.

“Dillon.” He said getting the older guys attention, who looked up nodding towards Porter signaling that he heard him. Dillon said something to the guy in front of him, excusing himself and walked the few steps to Porter.

“What’s up, dude?”

“Umm, Hugo is asking for you” Porter paused before anxiously finishing his sentence. “And he’s drunk and crying in the bathroom.”

A confused look overcoming Dillon's face. “Shit. What happened? Did he see you and your girlfriend?”

”Kind of? She came and sat with us while we were talking, but then he got sick and you know how he gets when he’s like that…” he trailed off. Dillon nodded understandingly.

“He was upset when you got here. Did you at least warn him that she was coming? I didn’t want to ask and upset him even more you know?” Dillion replied concern coating his face.

“No..no I didn’t. I guess I should have told him but I didn’t want him to bail.”

“That’s fucked up dude..”

Porter looked down ashamed. He knows he’s in the wrong and has been since this all began. He’s an asshole. “Listen, Porter. I’ll take care of him and make sure he sleeps this off, but you need to fix this soon. It’ll only get messier if you keep leading him on, just let him go.” Dillon shook his head putting his beer on the counter beside the two and walked away before Porter could even fully process what he said. He swallowed a painful lump in his throat, the words Dillon said repeating in his head. He deeply inhaled in an attempt to contain his emotions from showing and waited a minute before walking back to the living room. He needed to go home.

When Dillon walked into the bathroom, his heart broke; there Hugo was sitting with his back against the tub sobbing as his whole body shook with every strained cry he let out. Dillon shut the door behind him walking towards Hugo, kneeling beside him. Quietly, he called his name. Hugo slowly looked up. “Y-you c-came” the sobs broke Hugo’s words making it difficult for him to even stutter out the words. Dillon nodded wrapping his arms around Hugo.

“I did.” Dillon hugs him momentarily letting him calm down as much as he could before speaking again. “Let's get you to the spare room, okay?” Hugo nods, as Dillon helps him up. “Can you walk okay?” He nods again, but Dillon puts an arm around him just in case. Hugo looks down as they leave the bathroom not wanting to risk the embarrassment his tear stained face would bring him, people knowing that he just spent the last half hour drunk crying in Dillon's bathroom. The spare room is only a short walk away though and they only pass a couple of people from what Hugo could tell.

It's dark once Dillon gets the door open. The only light coming from the hallway and window but Hugo didn’t mind. He walks away from Dillon and makes his way towards the bed with a wobbly walk and sits. “I’m sorry, Dill.” He says once Dillon appears next to him.

“You have no need to be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Hugo shakes his head as he lays down on his side “Everyone keeps saying that but I’m messing around with someone’s boyfriend, I’m a horrible person.” Dillon sits at the edge of the bed and rubs Hugo’s back in a soothing motion.

“Look I’m not saying that you’re not in the wrong but don’t beat yourself up over this, not right now. Sleep this one out and we can talk in the morning, alright?” Hugo doesn’t say anything as Dillon gets up and walks out of the room, shutting the door behind him. He shuts his eyes already feeling a pounding headache brought on from the tears and alcohol. He feels awful; physically and mentally.

  
****

It had been several hours since Porter left the party. He was now at home laying in bed with his girlfriend anxiously keeping an eye on his phone just waiting for a call or text from Hugo or even Dillon, but nothing. He almost wishes he dropped her off at her place after the party but he didn’t want her suspecting anything was wrong. So he laid there like a good boyfriend. Giving her the right amount of affection and kissing her goodnight, all while his mind was on someone else.

Porter listened for her breathing, waiting for it to get heavy, forcing himself to stay awake despite also being tired. He doesn’t know how he ever allowed this all to happen, it all occurred so fast. One day he was gushing about this girl that he really thought would be it for him, then out of nowhere, he was blindsided by Hugo falling for him harder with every waking moment. He’d known Hugo for nearly half his life yet, one day after a show, they stayed up late talking about life and how much fate played into their relationship. He saw him in a completely different light after that. Months later he’s nowhere listening to his girlfriend peacefully sleep while trying to find a way to get out of bed without waking her.

He bit his lip. He knew in his heart, what the right thing to do was, but he’s not ready, not yet at least. So, gets up carefully untangling himself from her, once successful he quietly gets up grabbing his phone on his way to his bedroom door. He makes his escape closing the door behind him and walks the short walk to his backyard. He shuts the door behind him, sitting on the steps that lead to the door. It was no longer dark out, the sun was slowly peeking out turning a patch of the sky into a beautiful shade of lilac. He hadn't realized how late it had gotten. Porter looked down at his phone sighing, he was sure Hugo would probably be asleep after all of the night's events but he clicked on his contact and called anyway.

The first ring felt like the longest and porter bit his lip anxiously waiting.

The second ring came and he began shaking his leg in anticipation.

The third ring came and went.

By the fourth, Porter was losing hope.

The fifth called for a sigh.

The sixth- was interrupted. A robotic voice letting him know his attempt of reaching Hugo was unsuccessful. Porter hung up and ran his hands through his hair out of frustration. He just wanted to know if he was okay. Porter debated calling Dillon but he knew it would be a bust considering he too was drunk last night though not nearly as bad as Hugo. He did the next best thing he could and sent Hugo a text message. He’ll have to wait.  
He sat in silence watching the sunrise. The beautiful lilac turning light blue as the hues of yellow and orange touched it.

He slid back into bed unnoticed and closed his eyes, falling asleep without a fight. 

****

When Hugo finally wakes up his mouth is insanely dry, with a bitter taste of bile, his head pounding as he slowly opens his eyes, trying to get accustomed to the intense light peeking from the window, into the room. He doesn’t remember falling asleep, and he was still in his clothes from the night before making him feel sweaty and uncomfortable. Hugo slowly sat up looking to his right seeing a water bottle and his hat which he doesn’t remember removing- on the nightstand beside him. He quickly grabs the water bottle and opens it, downing half of it almost immediately.

He took a minute to compose himself recollecting what happened last night. The details are blurry but he thinks he remembers most of it. He swallows hard and painfully really not wanting tears to well up; not when his head is already pounding this hard, as his mind replays the moment when porter pulled away from him when his girlfriend came near them. The feeling of betrayal and hurt lingers strongly and Hugo wishes he could just forget it all.

He sits up slowly, placing his legs to the floor, grabbing his hat he places it on his messy hair that had become undone from its bun sometime during his sleep. He looks for his phone before getting up and finds it paced halfway under the pillow, he grabs it unlocking it to check the time. The time is the last thing on his mind once his phone lets him know he has a missed call and text from Porter. His heart rate immediately speeds up and he can feel a sudden rush of heat overtake his body. He slides his thumb over the top notification, not sure what to anticipate.

I wish you'd answer...I'd do anything to hear your voice right now... I'm so fucking sorry, Hugo I really am. Please please call me back?

The pleading blue bubble stared back at him, as he swallowed another lump in his throat. He couldn't stop the tears from welling up this time, he loathed the way Porter could make him feel this way, so intensely in love and in pain, all at once. But despite all the pain inside him, and even despite the tears rolling down his face, he felt completely numb. He was exhausted.

He doesn't remember how long he stood there, or how long it took the tears to stop, but once they did, he put his hair up in its usual style, placing his hat on top of his head once he was done, and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him. He walked down to the main room of Dillon's house, surprised to see the mess from last night completely gone, but he's almost sure that was thanks to a cleaning crew and not Dillon. Hugo walks towards the kitchen in hopes of finding his friend and is grateful when he's met with him sitting at the table entertained by his phone and what he assumes is a cup of coffee in his other hand. Dillon looks up after he hears Hugo take a step into the kitchen and gives him a small smile. Dillon is the first to speak.

“Hey man, how're you feeling?”

Hugo laughs a little, as he walks up to the chair across from Dillon, taking a seat before responding.

“Awful, actually. I'm sorry about last night, by the way. I really shouldn't have drunk so much.”

Hugo says genuinely feeling sorry about the whole ordeal.

“No, you're good man! Sonny and I are partly to blame for encouraging you with shots, anyways.”

Dillon replied with a laugh, which Hugo returned. He admired that Dillon could always cheer anyone up regardless of how they were feeling, and he couldn't have been more thankful that he didn't ask questions or make him feel uncomfortable about the night before.

“Listen, Dill, I just wanted to honestly thank you for being there for me last night and letting me stay here before I head out. I really appreciate it.” Dillon shook his head getting up from his seat and wrapping his arms around Hugo's smaller frame. “Of course. I know things are hard for you right now but you don't deserve that Hugo, at all.” He said quietly into his ear. Hugo held back the urge to cry again and simply nodded appreciating every bit of Dillon's words.

They didn't speak about it afterward.

****

When Hugo got home he slipped into bed the exhaustion from the night before, and his disconsolate thoughts overcoming him.

Hugo found himself delirious waking up in a pitch black room his hair damp from his body attempting to cool him down in his sleep. He felt sick and there was no way for him to tell if it was the disgusting amount of tequila shots coming back for a second round or the anticipation of one his biggest fears coming to life right before his eyes. He sat up turning on the lamp beside him.

He had the sudden urge to get out of his apartment, and get some fresh air his anxiety hadn't seemed to lessen and he felt uncomfortable in his own skin, he just needed to escape his own mind. He found himself gathering his things quickly and leaving his apartment, no particular place in mind. He mindlessly walked around, feeling the breeze pick up, he zipped up the jacket that he had quickly slipped on before leaving.

Hugo hadn't realized how far he walked till he realized he was at the park that was at least 2 miles from his place. His thighs slightly burned as he walked the last stretch of the hill to get to a bench, where he immediately sat. He was alone, which was rare for this area, Hugo guessed the universe just wanted him to wallow in his self-pity. He put his head in his hands and took a deep breath. He quietly laughed out loud once he looked up not believing how shitty he felt. There was no distracting the empty feeling in his chest, no matter how hard he tried.

****

Seven days, an entire week had passed and all Porter could feel was remorse and an overwhelming feeling of sadness. Each time he kissed her, he felt sick, it got so bad he stopped altogether, but that was two days ago. Now he can barely hold a conversation with her before he locks himself in his studio, which normally would be the perfect distraction but not even that ended the never-ending guilt he felt. He couldn't live with who he was anymore, he was a liar and a coward, something he'd never envisioned himself becoming. He had to fix himself, but first, he'd have to fix the mess he created which was eating him alive.

He sighed heavily, removing his beanie, running his hands through his hair in frustration. He checked the clock beside him, it was 15 minutes to midnight, and he wasn't tired at all. He hadn't been sleeping much lately, and usually, he would distract himself making music or playing video games, but he couldn't bear the thought of spending another night pretending everything was okay. Porter bit his lip contemplating his next move, ultimately deciding he couldn't take the silence from Hugo any longer.

He quietly stepped out of his studio, knowing his girlfriend had gone to bed one room over long ago. He slipped on his shoes by the door grabbing his jacket and keys, locking the door behind him. Once he was in his car he sat in there for a moment, gathering his thoughts, trying to find the right words to say, maybe there were none at the point, but he was willing to try. He pulled out of his driveway and made his way down the familiar route to Hugo's.

It wasn't till he was standing outside of Hugo's door that he realized he should've called beforehand, it was now midnight and the probability that Hugo would answer was slim, but he decided to give it a chance anyway. He doubts he'd respond to him anyhow seeing how his last text had been left on read. Porter lightly knocked on the door, getting nervous when there was no answer. He knocked again, this time with a little more force.

Nothing.

He tried once more, looking at the door expectantly. Yet again, nothing. He turned around feeling defeated but as he walked away he heard the doorknob wiggle and the door open, causing him to stop in his footsteps but not before turning around. There he was. His hair was down and slightly unruly, his eyes swollen from sleep, but Porter thought he looked so pretty.

"Hey.." Porter said in a hushed tone.

"What are you doing here?" Hugo questioned.

"You never responded... I guess I just needed to talk to you" Porter replied walking closer to Hugo, who moved off to the side.

"Oh. Come in." Porter took no time obeying him. Once they were inside Hugo led them to his couch, both of them having a seat next to one another but still further apart than what they were accustomed to.

Porter was the first to break the silence "F-first of all, I just want you to know that I am sorry about the way I've been handling everything going on between us." He paused trying to choose his next words carefully. "I should've told you, that she would be there. I don't even know why I didn't, I have no excuse really." Hugo looked down into his lap in thought, his hair nearly covering his face but Porter could tell he was near tears. "I-I want you to know that...that I'm going to make things right, for you, for her, for us." He was having trouble speaking, putting his feelings and thoughts of the past week, even months was proving much more difficult than he originally anticipated.

"When I get back home I'm going to come clean, Hugo," Porter said his throat tightening as he spoke, his voice cracked as he continued to speak. "I'm going to tell her everything and I hope that you're okay with that," Hugo nodded still not speaking but Porter could hear him sniffling and it broke his heart. "I- fuck. Don't cry, I'm sorry." He moved closer to him engulfing him in a hug. There was something about feeling Hugo's warm skin against his own that brought him comfort and he could only hope his embrace did the same for him.

"I'm so sorry" Porter whispered.

Hugo buried his face into porters neck, his tears still spilling, he couldn't even pinpoint his reasoning behind it. Perhaps it was relief, relief of having some of the guilt he felt lifted off his shoulders. "You're not the only one at fault though, Porter." Hugo mumbled into porters neck. "I'm sorry I fucked everything up for you. You were happy before this happened." He said in tears. Porter only shook his in reply. His own tears falling down his face.

He sniffled. "That's not true." He let out a dry chuckle. “Not one bit.” He paused. "The first night between us I-I only acted on what I had already been feeling for months" he takes in a breath "I know it doesn't make what we did okay but it's the truth." Hugo felt a twinge of happiness radiate inside him despite the twisted situation they were in. The idea of knowing the person you've been in love with for years, loving you back overshadowing the guilt.

“I didn't know you felt that way about me….I was in love with you for years you know?” Hugo admitted. “Porter shook his head.

“Years?”

“Years.” Hugo giggled, realizing how different things would be if he were honest from the beginning.

“Damn. I should have told you when I knew.” Porter must have had the same thought. Despite them hooking up for months they had never actually talked about what it was or what it meant, it was like they silently agreed to say nothing, not to each other or the people around them. Hugo smiled for the first time in over a week. It felt like the tension they'd have whenever they were in a room together had been cut, and the overall atmosphere seemed to lighten despite the circumstances that brought them here. They sat in each other's arms for a moment before Hugo spoke again.

"W-would it be okay if I kissed you?" he whispered.

Porter nodded.

"Always." He said while grabbing Hugo's jaw, and lightly pecking his lips. Hugo kissed him once more this one lasting longer than the last, it was meant to be a small kiss but the passion of the moment couldn't be fought. They began making out, and eventually, they found themselves in Hugo's bed their bodies on one another. Completely engulfed in passion.

They only stopped kissing was when it came time to remove their clothes and find the lube which they wasted no time in doing. Hugo hand Porter the lube and then lays on his back, bringing his legs up to his chest when Porter nudges him to do so. Hugo is painfully hard watching Porter prep him, slowly putting a finger in him stretching him for what was to come, he moans loudly when Porter effortlessly sticks a second finger in him. He feels his cum drip from his head while watching Porter stretch him tenderly, and he can't help but begin to stroke himself rubbing the pre-cum up and down his dick.

“Fuck,” said Porter, watching Hugo momentarily before putting his unoccupied hand on his, stopping him from continuing. “Not yet baby” Hugo lightly whines but nods his in agreement anyway. Porter then inserts a third finger, thrusting in and out of Hugo, all while putting his head down between Hugo's legs kissing the tip of his cock. Porter then licks his way down Hugo’s shaft then back up, wrapping his mouth around his cock tightly he bobs his head to the speed of his thrusting fingers. He deep throats him a couple times causing Hugo to moan feverishly and God Porter swore that was his favorite sound.

“Porter” he whines. “Fuck, I want you in me before I cum, please” his voice sounds so desperate and Porter feels satisfied with himself, he deepthroats Hugo one last time before pulling away. His jaw aches a bit, and lips are slightly swollen but none of that matters when he’s back to kissing Hugo’s soft lips, the scratchy feeling of Hugo’s beard only turning him on more. He pulls away, when he pulls his fingers out of Hugo, and opens the condom that Hugo handed him earlier with the lube and slips it on then he grabs the bottle of lube beside coating himself in it, before applying some around Hugo's rim. He slowly inserts the head of his dick, moaning in pleasure when he feels Hugo’s tightness. He begins thrusting into Hugo carefully, making sure he’s comfortable.

Porter leans down into Hugo's neck kissing it as he thrusts into him, slowly but hard and it has Hugo moaning loudly. Porter moves his head so that he's now face to face with Hugo and watching him close his eyes in pleasure. He quiets his moans by kissing him deeply, enjoying how soft his lips were against his, and the way Hugo's beard lightly scratched against him it only turned him on more, and he could feel himself getting near his climax. He moved one of his arms in between his and Hugos bodies, and grasped his hand around Hugo’s cock, stroking in synch with his thrusts. Hugo moaned porters name loudly in a heavier french accent than normal.

“Fuck” he grunts out, “you feel so good baby” Hugo just moans in response, that seems to be all he can get out. Porter goes back to Hugo's neck kissing and sucking on it, muffling his own moans of pleasure. Hugo is on edge now his moans increasingly getting louder, when porter adjusts himself, and begins hitting his prostate with each thrust, it all feels so good.

“Ahh P-port!” he moans loudly when he finally cums messily, all over Porter’s hand and his stomach. Porter picked up his pace slightly, and it only takes a couple more thrusts before his cumming into the condom, still inside Hugo. “Damn,” he says while slowly pulling out. He leans forward kissing Hugo on the moth, which he eagerly returns, before his getting up and going to Hugo’s attached bathroom to dispose of the condom.

Hugo watches him from the bed, smiling when he sees porter walk in with a damp towel he found in the bathroom. “Let me clean you up” Hugo nods, and Porter sits on the side of the bed and begins wiping all of the mess off of him, then setting the towel on the floor beside the bed.

“Lay with me,” Hugo says softly as if he’s fearful of rejection.

“Okay,” Porter replies as he lays down on his side, right next to him. He brings a hand up to Hugos face, caressing it softly and tucking a piece of loose hair behind his ear.

“I feel happy, you know?” He whispers

“Why?” Hugo whispers back.

“I don’t know, I think it’s just you...” he pauses. “It’s like I can always be me around you, and you can always be just you around me. It feels free when no one else is around, and it’s just the two of us ya know?” Hugo smiles, enough for his dimple on his right cheek to pop out and Porter can’t help but think he’s the most precious thing on this planet.

“Yeah. I feel it too.” He leans in to kiss porter, their lips meeting for a short but loving kiss. Porter lays on his back when they pull away, and Hugo takes the opportunity to lay his head on Porter's chest, and wrap his arm around his torso, Porter kisses the top of his head pulling him in closer.

“Will you stay?” Hugo whispers.

“Yes.”

It feels like only a couple hours later Hugo is waking up, Porter on his side. He bites his lip, feeling contemplative, he feels happy yet remorseful. Maybe it was wrong, to wake up and have someone else's boyfriend in your bed. Hugo knew that God did he know. His morals screamed at him telling him it was wrong, and even as awful as it the situation was Hugo couldn't help but feel a tinge of happiness, to wake up next to the man he’s been in love with for years, finally knowing he reciprocated the feelings he felt. After nights like this he’d usually dwell, thinking what any of this even meant to Porter, he would kiss Hugo, call him ‘baby’, and treated him so well, always putting Hugo’s needs before his when they fucked, but never telling him what this was or what any of it meant to him. It was confusing, to say the least, but it meant the world knowing what he knows now and that he was more than just sex to Porter.

Despite it all, there was still that gut feeling telling him this wouldn’t last, it was too good to be true. So, he laid there admiring the way Porter looked with whatever light from the sun behind the blinds glistened on his face, the way he breathed with his mouth slightly open, and the way a piece of his hair cascaded across his face, it was a sight he wanted to keep a memory of.

He must’ve fallen back asleep, he realizes when a loud ringing from a phone startles him awake. He opens his eyes to Porter, whos now awake, and sitting up with his ringing phone in his hand. Porter curses under his breath, seemingly ignoring the call because the phone stops ringing. Hugo doesn't say anything when Porter gets up immediately after, nor does he say anything when he sees Porter frantically collect his clothing from the floor he's too afraid to say anything because deep down he already knows where this is going. All he does is close his eyes, and listen. He hears porter zip up his pants, followed by what he assumes is his shirt being put on, then he hears footsteps walking towards him, or the door he's not sure yet, so tries his hardest to seem asleep, he's not ready to face the reality. He nearly blows his cover when he feels a warm pair of lips kiss his forehead and whisper in his ear.

“I'm sorry.”

He always is.

His footsteps seem to get further. Hugo hears his bedroom open and close shortly after. His eyes are still completely shut, but now in an attempt to hold back his tears, but when he hears the final click of his front door closing he lets out a painful sob, tears fighting their way through his shut eyes. He feels his heart palpitating causing a wrenching pain. Hugo could physically feel his heartbreak, and all he could do is sob hysterically.

He might be thinking irrationally after all Porter did say he was going to come clean to her when he left, but Hugo felt doubtful about it. He’d been let down one too many times, and Porter leaving him in bed alone was all the confirmation he needed to know his words were all bullshit. He couldn't help but be angry at himself he was so fucking stupid thinking last night changed anything. It’s always her, she will always be his priority, Hugo should have learned that a long time ago.

  
****

When Porter gets home he sits in his driveway waiting, he doesn't know what for exactly but he just isn't ready to go inside. He’s just sat there lost in his own thoughts, trying to find the words to say for the confrontation he was about to face, he knows being honest shouldn't be this complicated, but when there’s no one to blame but yourself for your impending doom it makes things tougher to admit. He Looks at himself in the rearview mirror, wiping the sleep from his eyes, and fixing his hair, he looks tired. He sighs, finally taking the keys out of the ignition, and stepping out of the car, walking the path to his front door.

When he enters, the house is silent and seemingly empty. There is no one to be found in the living room or kitchen, he heads upstairs and enters his bedroom and bathroom. Nothing. Nor does he find anything in the spare bedroom, it’s not till he opens the room where his studio is located that he finds his girlfriend sitting at his desk a pile of paper in her hands, that he recognizes as the paper he was using to sloppily scribble any ideas or thoughts that came to mind.

“Hey,” he said loudly enough for her to hear. She turned around, putting the papers down in front of her before speaking “Where were you?” Porter could hear the anger in her voice, and he already felt awful about what he was going to say.

He swallowed nervously. “Just needed some time to think so I went for a drive.” He probably shouldn't have lied but he knew her knowing where he actually was would make her feel worse and he truly didn't want that.

“Really? Why couldn't you pick up your phone then?” She paused, seemingly trying to gather her thoughts before speaking again “You can't just disappear on people Porter, especially when you’ve been acting weird for weeks now. You haven't even been speaking to me so please just tell me what the hell is actually going on?”

Porter took a moment to reply not knowing what to say. “I-i don't know.” Another fucking lie. He couldn't seem to stop himself. She sighs, rubbing her face in frustration. “Yes you do!” she cries out. He looks down biting his lip out of nerves he can't keep this up any longer. “Yeah...I’m sorry. The truth is I’ve been putting this off because I don't want to hurt you. You’re so good to me and I know that but I just can't be with you, I can’t keep lying to you or myself.” his voice begins to shake as he looks at her with tears in his eyes. “I’ve been seeing someone else a-and I'm so fucking sorry. I should’ve never started anything with him while we were together I know b-but I couldn't help what I was feeling and I know that’s a shitty excuse but I really am sorry.” before he’s even finished speaking she’s uncontrollably crying into her hands and Porter feels terrible, tears begin to fall from his own eyes thinking how he let this get so messed up just cause he couldn't or wouldn't admit things to himself.

“H-Him?” she replies confusion in her shaky voice “it’s Hugo isn't it?” When Porter says nothing she shakes her head in disbelief at herself for not seeing it before, of course, it’s Hugo. Now it makes sense how he was always marked up with love bites but never around anyone who could be responsible for them, or so she thought, she never suspected that Porter was into men but this certainly opened her eyes. “Answer me, please!” Her voice raised out of frustration. Porter sniffles, trying to compose himself.

“Y-yeah. It’s Hugo. After the tour I tried to stop thinking about him that way, and I wanted to make us work I really did but I just couldn't, I can't. I hadn’t been genuinely happy with us for a long time before I even started seeing him and I know it’s fucked that I kept things going with you when I wasn’t 100% in it. I guess I was terrified to let go of something that was easy and comfortable, but I love him the same way I that I used to love you and it’s been hard for me to admit that. I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I’m just truly sorry that I hurt you all because I couldn't accept myself. And this doesn't mean my feelings for you were never real, they were at some point, and I hope you know that.” He exhales, so glad to have that all off his chest. He should’ve done it a lot sooner, but at least it’s out in the open now.

She nods her head tears still falling down her face. “Okay.” She gets up walking past Porter “I’m going to stay with a friend.” she says and Porter nods in understanding “I’ll be back for the rest of my stuff later this week.” She sounds emotionless and Porter feels so bad but he knows he has to let her go, and deal with this on her own. He wants to do the right thing this time.

****

  
It was a couple hours since porter left, and Hugo was sat on top of his washer, while his bedsheets dried beside him. He was lost in thought thinking how Porter had yet to even try to contact him, not that he had tried either but Porter was the one who had left, not him. He suspected that this might mean his assumptions were right and Porter wasn't going to stick to his word, and if he was being honest he felt really disappointed, but he didn't want to cry anymore, he had done so much of that recently. He just really wanted to ask Porter Why? What was the point of the back and forth if his mind had already been decided on her so long ago? But at the same time did he even have a right to be upset? He can’t pretend he hadn't already predicted this outcome when he knew he was the side piece from the beginning. Still, his feelings were invested into this, he couldn't help the way he felt for Porter, he’d been trying to get over him for years but it never worked, any new guy he’d begin talking to would never get past the first date, not when Hugo was always comparing them and thinking how much better Porter was, how happy his company made him, and how Porter knew everything about him and no one could ever compete with that.

He was just confused on how Porter could admit he loved him, but then walk out without even telling him if their night together meant anything to him at all, or if it was all a lie to get him into bed again. It felt like Hugo was always left wondering. The dryer goes off signaling it’s finished, bursting Hugo from his thoughts, He jumps off the washer and gets his things out of the dryer, walking straight to his bedroom. Walking in there immediately reminded him of how special everything felt last night, but how quickly that feeling could be taken away. He sighs beginning to put his bed sheets into place, deciding he definitely needed a cigarette once he was done with this. He knows it's an awful habit he should kick, but not right now. It didn't take him long before he in his closet putting on an oversized jacket he had recently thrifted, and walking towards the front door to slip on his shoes. Once they were on he opens his door walking straight into someone.

“Oh,” It was Porter. He knows before even seeing him, he’d recognize that voice anywhere. “Sorry.” Hugo shakes his head in response, not really knowing what to say to him. “Were you going somewhere? I should've called but I wanted to talk in person..if that’s okay with you?”

“I was just gonna go for a walk. But sure.” Hugo clears his throat, turning around to unlock his door for them. He holds the door open allowing Porter to go in before him. He’ll just have to wait for that cigarette. He takes off his shoes, leaving them by the door and leads them to his couch, having a sense of deja vu to the night before. Once they were seated Hugo took no time to ask him what he had been dying to know. “Why did you leave without saying anything? Y-you can't keep changing your mind and telling me one thing but acting differently! I’m a real person with feelings Porter. Stop playing games.” Hugo shouts out hysterically his frustrations with Porter very evident.

Porter looked at him and nodded “I know that, Hugo. I didn't change my mind, fuck, of course, I didn't!” he swallows before continuing. “I was just that I wouldn't be able to come clean okay? I didn't want to make you any more hopeful after last night because I'm a coward and you know it! Everyone fucking knows it.” He cries out but continues. “But I couldn't keep disappointing you. I kept my promise, Hugo, I did it.” He plays with his hands nervously, feeling Hugo's eyes on him. “I told her the truth. H-how I wasn’t happy and hadn’t been in a long time, and how I’m in love you. And that I even tried to fight off my feelings for you at one point but couldn’t, and I know I never told you that but I don't want to keep anything from you anymore.” He sighs wiping the tears from his eyes, noticing that Hugo was also crying now.

“Loving you came a lot harder for me. I-I didn’t know I could feel that way about you and for a long time I’d pretend like my heart didn’t race when I was around you, and like your touches didn’t make me feel a little nervous. It wasn't till we were spending every waking minute together that I let myself give into what I was feeling.” He takes a breath before continuing. “And that first kiss between us meant more than I could ever tell, Hugo. It made me feel authentic, just the way you have always made me feel.” Porter cries into his hands, finally letting out everything he had been dying to say, but the timing was never right, for once though it felt like maybe things were falling into place. He feels Hugo wrap his arms tightly around him, neither of them spoke, both too engulfed in their emotions.

When they both seemed to have calmed down, Porter is the first to pull apart. He looks at Hugo, shifting his body to look directly at him, and takes both his hands, resting them on either side of Hugo's face. He wipes the remaining tears from the younger man’s face, not being able to help thinking about how pretty Hugo looked in that moment. He wanted nothing more than to kiss Hugo right now, to show him what words couldn't. He leaned forward his lip pressing against Hugo’s, who followed his movements, his tongue sneakily slipping into Porter’s mouth deepening their kiss. They’re makeout gets more intense when Hugo swings his legs around Porter's waist, straddling him, Porter moves his hands to his waist holding him down in place, softly thrusting up to him in attempt to feel closer to him. Hugo whines into his mouth before breaking the kiss, both of them catching their breaths.

“Take us to my room” Hugo says softly, and Porter nods eagerly, pecking his lips while he gets up moving his hands to support Hugo's butt, while Hugo wraps his legs tightly around Porter's waist, burying his face in his lovers neck leaving a trail of kisses while Porter takes the short walk to his bedroom. When the got to the side of Hugo's bed, Porter leaned forward softly laying Hugo down and kissed his lips, then his jaw, then exactly where he left a small bruise the night before. His hands found themselves tugging off Hugo's jacket, which he sat up to help porter remove, along with his shirt. Porter kissed him when his shirt was off telling him to lay back down which Hugo took no time into doing.

Porters began kissing Hugo's chest, paying close attention to his right nipple, that he softly sucked on, while his hands were on Hugo pants unbuttoning them. “Fuck” Hugo whined when Porter pulled away to take off his beanie, but quickly found himself moaning again when Porter kissed his lower stomach while pulling his pants, and boxers down to his knees in one swift movement. Porter trailed kisses along his thighs inching closer and closer to his achingly hard cock, but before he could get any closer he pulled away and got onto his knees to finish tugging off Hugo's pants. Once they were off Porter pulled Hugo’s legs bringing him closer to the edge of the bed until his cock practically met Porter's face. Porter kissed the tip, before wrapping his lips around it and bobbing his all the way down immediately deep throating him, causing Hugo to quietly groan. Porter then pulled off, wrapping a hand around it and began to kitten lick along the bottom of the shaft all the way to the tip his tongue pointedly licking where the head met the shaft, while his hand moved up and down his shaft, making Hugo a moaning mess.

“Lift up your legs” Porter told Hugo who nodded and did just that wrapping his arms around the back of his knees for support, meanwhile Porter took the time to remove his own shirt and jeans leaving him in only his boxers, he quickly got back on his knees, kissing the back of Hugo’s thighs, before taking both his hands spreading the younger man's cheeks apart. Hugo watched from above as Porter leaned forward kissing his hole, then licking around his rim, “O-ohh” he moaned loudly, which only encouraged Porter to continue licking, his tongue moving to the center of his hole inserting what he could in.

Hugo couldn't help the profanities leaving his mouth in the name of pleasure, he found himself grasping the back of Porter’s head pulling his hair to maneuver him deeper inside him. His hole clenched around Porter's tongue, he could come just from this, easily. “Fuck yeah,” He panted out when Porter brought two of his fingers into his mouth wetting them before putting them to Hugo’s hole fucking them in out of him right beside his tongue. Porter used his free hand to palm at his pants, his cock beyond hard, he could hardly take it but he wanted to see his lover cum first, which he knew was moments away with the way Hugo was moaning. Hugo could feel how wet his hole was with spit when Porter inserted a third finger, it running along his backside, the warm liquid turning him on even further, “A-ah Porter please,” he moaned “Fuck me before I cum!”

Porter looked up at him, he looked so hot, all flustered like this, he couldn't wait to be inside him. He took his tongue out to respond “Fuck, okay.” He stood up taking his fingers out of Hugo and opened the nightstand right beside him, where he knew the lube was, which he quickly grabbed along with a condom. When he turned around Hugo was laying on his stomach telling Porter to come forward, which he did and Hugo grabbed the top of his boxers pulling them down, Porter’s hard cock jumping out of them, which Hugo took no time using a hand to wrap around it bringing it closer to his face, he licked his lips, then licked the leaking cum off the head, before wrapping his lips around his cock and bopping his head up and down his hand taking care of what his mouth couldn't. Porter moaned gathering Hugo’s hair into a ponytail and slowly thrusting into his mouth, holding back from being rougher, but Hugo moved the hand off his cock encouraging Porter to take full control. He kept his thrusts slow but the urge to feel the back of Hugo’s throat and he went in full force which Hugo seemed to enjoy, his ass up in the air as he softly thrust into the mattress below him. He did it a couple more time till he felt like he was gonna cum then pulled away, making sure to save his load for when he was inside of Hugo.

Hugo grabbed the lube that porter had left beside him, and opened it slathering some onto his hand and then rubbing it along Porters dick. “Would you be okay if we didn’t use a condom?” He asked shyly. Porter nodded, he didn't even need to think about it they had done it a couple times before out of desperation, but he knew he could trust Hugo completely. When Hugo was done putting lube on his dick he grabbed the bottle from him while Hugo got on all fours, his ass now facing Porter, he pulled his ass apart and poured the lube right on his hole, smearing it around with his finger, when he was done. He puts the bottle beside them, and then lines his cock up with Hugo’s hole, using his hands to squeeze his ass spreading him open for him. He inserts himself in slowly, savoring how tight Hugo’s hole felt around him. He groaned as he pushed all the way in, taking his dick out slowly, then ramming it back in causing a loud smacking sound. Hugo buried his head into the sheets below him moaning into them, and grasping them tightly with every thrust.

“I wanna see your face baby” Porter groaned as he pulled out, allowing Hugo to turn and lay on his back. Porter got on the bed this time and moved them both to the center of the bed, Hugo lifted his leg allowing Porter to put it over his shoulder as he began to thrust in and out of Hugo again. Porter leaned down kissing Hugo and holding his hand that was above his head when he felt his climax coming allowing him to be as close to Hugo as possible who seemed on edge as well. He grasped Porter's hand tightly, moaning into their kiss when Porter found his prostate. “Ah-! Right t-there mon amour” Porter nearly came right at that moment from hearing Hugo speak to him in French, but all he did was moan loudly and thrust quicker the same direction he had before. It only took a couple more thrusts and Hugo was cumming hard between to the two of the some of it even reaching his own lips, which Porter moaned at and cleaned up with his own mouth, no hesitation.

Porter sloppily thrust into him having trouble keeping a steady pace when he felt his stomach tighten, at the feeling of Hugos clenched hole, he let out one last groan before cumming into Hugo, “ Fuck” he moaned out as he slowly pulled out and saw his cock covered in his own cum, some of it leaking out of Hugo, and onto the bed. That was otherworldly.

Hugo put his leg down, panting, and Porter lays right beside him, trying to catch his breath. He looks over at Hugo who’s cheeks were flustered, his hair a mess, and his chest was covered in dried cum, but Porter thought he looked angelic as if he was a dream. Hugo turns to look at him and smiles. “That was good,” he says giggling after, which brings an immediate smile to Porters face. “It was.” Hugo leans over and kisses his lips “I love you” he whispers, and Porter kisses him again. “I love you too, mon amour,” he says laughing at his reference to Hugo’s earlier words. Hugo blushes hiding his face in Porter's neck. “Don’t.” Porter smiles sadly, thinking about how he could’ve had this all the time, so much sooner, if he were just honest. He hates how much pain he had to put Hugo through to get to this point, and he knows he deserves better than the way things played out, Hugo is a fucking angel who deserves nothing but the best, and Porter is willing to do anything to give him that.

They lay together, not saying much just lazily kissing each other here and there until Hugo suggests they get cleaned up. They end up showering together, helping wash the cum off of each other and Porter offering to wash Hugo’s hair, which he allows. When they’re done they’re back in bed cuddling, Hugo ends up asleep first, cuddled into porters side, softly snoring.  
Porter just kisses the top of his head and watches him for a moment trying to fall asleep to the beat of Hugo’s breathing but his mind won't shut off now that it was silent. He can’t stop thinking about the past 48 hours. Sure, he solved the biggest issue, but he knows there’s more to it and it all falls on him. He rubs at his face and sighs, he feels a tear fall from his face, but he just shuts his eyes not wanting to fight himself any longer.

He manages to fall asleep on and off for a couple hours but ultimately gives up. He checks the clock on the nightstand beside him it’s 4:32 AM. He decides to get out of bed and get some fresh air, Hugo is still sleeping soundly, so he carefully slips out of bed to not wake him, he grabs his t-shirt from the floor, then walks to Hugo’s balcony which is right beside the bed. He slips out of the room leaving the door a crack open and sits in one of the chairs Hugo has there. The cold October air leaves goosebumps on his skin but he doesn’t really mind just crosses his arms and looks into the city lights, just thinking.

  
****

  
He hasn’t been out there long when he hears the door open wider from behind him, he turns around and Hugo walks out wearing nothing but a blanket his and his briefs. His hair is down and in his hand is a jacket and a pack of cigarettes. “Hey,” he says softly as Hugo hands him the jacket he was wearing earlier which Porter takes graciously. “What are you doing out here? Aren't you cold?” Hugo says, shivering once he’s sat on the chair beside him.

“I was just thinking, I couldn’t sleep much. Did I wake you?” he says while slipping on the jacket. Hugo shakes his head, then puts a cigarette in his mouth lighting it with a lighter that was on the small table in between them. He takes a puff, exhaling the smoke into the night sky, then speaking “No, the cold did actually.” He laughs.

Porter smiles “Sorry, I didn’t want to get accidentally locked out.” Hugo just shakes his head smiling “No, worries.” They mostly sit in silence while Hugo finishes his cigarette, both of them seemed to be lost in their own minds, but Porter does make it a point to reach out across the table to take Hugos spare hand in his and intertwines their fingers, holding it tightly.

Hugo puts out his cigarette shortly after and breaks their silence. “What’s wrong?” he says biting his lip nervously. Porter looks over to him and takes a moment to speak. “I don’t know. I guess I can’t stop feeling like I’ve messed up something that could’ve been perfect for my own selfish reasons.” Hugo furrows his eyebrows, confused. “W-what does that mean?” his first thought being he meant his relationship with her, which Porter realizes once Hugo takes his hand back and wraps it around his legs.

“Wait, not that. I mean us. Just, I hate that I made it a point to hide you, i-if I would’ve followed my heart from the beginning I wouldn't have made you go through so much shit that you don't deserve, Hugo.” Hugo rests his head on his knees looking at porter with sadness in his eyes but allowing him to continue talking. “You deserve so much fucking better than what I’ve given you. I love you much, and I want you to know I’m not changing my mind about you or the way I feel, not one bit, b-but I think I need some time to sort myself out, to accept myself. I want to be able to love you completely, the way you deserve, and I want to do this the right way this time around. No lies, just us.” The city lights illuminate Hugo’s face and Porter can see tears glazing over his eyes, he hates this, but he knows its a step he has to take for himself.

“ I understand if you don’t want to wait around, for me anymore, and I won’t blame you. But I do hope that you’re willing to give me the chance to make this right and to show you I can be a much better man than I have been, to you. But even if you don’t Hugo, I hope you know I’ll always be here for you when you need me, we’ve been through so much together and I hope that that’s enough to let me keep you in my life. I’m sorry for everything I put you through.” Porter finally finishes. Hugo watches him, wiping the never-ending tears from his eyes. “I get it. I want you to be able to be happy with yourself too. I-I think I can wait a little longer, but I hope you know that I won't wait forever.” Hugo sniffles, standing up and walking in front of Porter, he puts both his hands around Porters face. “I love you, Porter.” Porter wraps his hands around Hugo's waist bringing him closer and burying his face into his stomach. “I love you too Hugo, so fucking much” Hugo wraps his arms around Porters head hugging him the best way he could.

“I won't let you down.”

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hellooo im sorry for this shit show that was this fic. Hdjsks I love it though and I hope you guys did too. Please don't be too mean to Porter he's just trying his best (and maybe I see a little bit of myself in his character)!! Maybe one day I'll write a sequel for this and give them the ending they deserve. :)


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